Tonar Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I stumbled upon this and though I would post it for some fun. This was posted by JP on the UBIzoo forums BlairGowrie: Stop referring to pee breaks as “GowrieLeaks”JensenPark: When visiting strip bars, stop using BG’s name to get free lap dances FruitBat: More batty, less fruitySnacko: Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my nightdress. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.Painless: Stop making Apple-tinis with my IPhone.Crash: smell less baconyRattler: End my eight year affair with former Charlie's Angel Cheryl LaddAPHill: no longer offer free prostate exams in night clubs. Start charging.Friar: Work up the courage to wear my dreadlock toupee in publicDoubletap: Go into the bathroom I sealed off five years ago, see if the big bug is goneArthur: Stop telling my school class to “hit the showers”…because I don’t teach Gym.Gec: I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.Zooly: I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.Tonar: Stop asking wife if she wants to see my exploding Tonar cartridge.Tribunus: No more disgusting sheep sex. Now, where are those camels?Pooka: Assure my lawyer that I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing.Perfesser: Stop asking other DD’s to be my “Touch buddy”Cold_Gambler: Order glasses from LensCrafters minutes before we set clocks ahead in the Spring, sue them for not having glasses ready in an hour. BadAim: To conserve water, let kids use real guns instead of water pistols.Brando: Have applause sign installed in my bedroomRitter-Cuda: Remember to brush teeth with bristly end of toothbrush.B16Enk: I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine - if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again, I'll tell him he stinks!Fireman: At least once a week, break a law I’ve never broken before.Jediteo: Work my way through all the known STD’s by dating a Kardashian sister.GreyKnight: Find perfect joke to open with at Academy AwardsSid: Convince wife that doing it while in game and on TS is just the same as joining the “mile high club”SkyPup: Convince networks to carry your new reality TV show “Dancing with my groin”Squawk: Don't eat medicine just because it looks like candy. Oh who am I kidding, if it looks like candy -- it's candy.Trout: Stop calling Andy Rooney at 3:00 AM for relationship adviceBucky: Convert to Islam so I can move to JenniferanistanLargie: When explaining mission briefs, stop answering every question with, "Don't go there, girlfriend!"Smash: change hair style to match Donald Trump’s. Beebop: Combine my love of bass fishing and exercise into new sport: BassercizeFool Trottel: concentrate on the missions instead of telling everyone what animals I see in the new cloud mods.Jabo: Convince girlfriend to try my new Christmas drink: JabonogZeusCat: Check on Eggos buried in backyard; see if "waffle tree" has grown yet. Artie: stop referring to intimate acts with my wife as “logging into the client server”Capt Jack: No more submitting my flight plans on lounge napkinsErco: Four Words: Mrs. Hanna Montana ErcoStreaks: Stop dressing up in weird costumes and referring to myself as “Mr. Gaga”Guitarman: Learn a new instrument. Change name to Xylophoneman.MadTrooper: No more joining Justin Beiber look-a-like contestsOldtimer: Correct that annoying typo in my Metallica tattooStrider: Stop trying to convince Dr. Kevorkian to make house calls to the in-laws.Sweper: Eat more paint.Sulky: Get to my perfect weight for my height…by growing two feet taller.Can_Goose: Get back to my true love, cabaretKimosabi: Start buying lottery tickets at a luckier storeTOAD: stop telling people if they lick me they can get high. I’m not a real Toad.FastDad: Cut back to 3 Rob Roys before flying.Shadrach: Cut back to 6 Rob Roys after the show. BluBear: Convince Olympic Committee to add “Vanilla Ice Dancing” as a sport.Fenrir: Achieve lifetime goal of appearing on “The View”Delta7: stop asking strangers if they would like to see my “mission briefs”Funflak: Turn in Uzi for shiny new bicycleDino: Stop dressing up as airport security in order to get in free gropesLogos: come back! All is forgiven!Mayhem: stop insisting the Civil War was fought between Jack Daniel and Jim Beam Pappy: Stop trying to get through airport security with coins in his underwear so that he can be groped.Rox: Only pay for sex if the price seems really, really reasonable 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1. DDz Quorum FoolTrottel Posted July 17, 2015 1. DDz Quorum Share Posted July 17, 2015 Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1. DDz Quorum Pooka Posted July 17, 2015 1. DDz Quorum Share Posted July 17, 2015 I doubt that Artie has taken BGs suggestion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tonar Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 Sweper - Eat more paint LOL !!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweper Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 How wude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BluBear Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Brilliant! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2. Administrators Jabo Posted July 20, 2015 2. Administrators Share Posted July 20, 2015 The Jabonog was not a hit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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