Dd's 2010 New Years Resolutions

[Tonar]

I stumbled upon this and though I would post it for some fun.  This was posted by JP on the UBIzoo forums

 

BlairGowrie: Stop referring to pee breaks as “GowrieLeaks”
JensenPark: When visiting strip bars, stop using BG’s name to get free lap dances 
FruitBat: More batty, less fruity
Snacko: Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my nightdress. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.
Painless: Stop making Apple-tinis with my IPhone.
Crash: smell less bacony
Rattler: End my eight year affair with former Charlie's Angel Cheryl Ladd
APHill: no longer offer free prostate exams in night clubs. Start charging.
Friar: Work up the courage to wear my dreadlock toupee in public
Doubletap: Go into the bathroom I sealed off five years ago, see if the big bug is gone
Arthur: Stop telling my school class to “hit the showers”…because I don’t teach Gym.
Gec: I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.
Zooly: I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.
Tonar: Stop asking wife if she wants to see my exploding Tonar cartridge.
Tribunus: No more disgusting sheep sex. Now, where are those camels?
Pooka: Assure my lawyer that I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing.
Perfesser: Stop asking other DD’s to be my “Touch buddy”
Cold_Gambler: Order glasses from LensCrafters minutes before we set clocks ahead in the Spring, sue them for not having glasses ready in an hour. 
BadAim: To conserve water, let kids use real guns instead of water pistols.
Brando: Have applause sign installed in my bedroom
Ritter-Cuda: Remember to brush teeth with bristly end of toothbrush.
B16Enk: I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine - if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again, I'll tell him he stinks!
Fireman: At least once a week, break a law I’ve never broken before.
Jediteo: Work my way through all the known STD’s by dating a Kardashian sister.
GreyKnight: Find perfect joke to open with at Academy Awards
Sid: Convince wife that doing it while in game and on TS is just the same as joining the “mile high club”
SkyPup: Convince networks to carry your new reality TV show “Dancing with my groin”
Squawk: Don't eat medicine just because it looks like candy. Oh who am I kidding, if it looks like candy -- it's candy.
Trout: Stop calling Andy Rooney at 3:00 AM for relationship advice
Bucky: Convert to Islam so I can move to Jenniferanistan
Largie: When explaining mission briefs, stop answering every question with, "Don't go there, girlfriend!"
Smash: change hair style to match Donald Trump’s. 
Beebop: Combine my love of bass fishing and exercise into new sport: Bassercize
Fool Trottel: concentrate on the missions instead of telling everyone what animals I see in the new cloud mods.
Jabo: Convince girlfriend to try my new Christmas drink: Jabonog
ZeusCat: Check on Eggos buried in backyard; see if "waffle tree" has grown yet. 
Artie: stop referring to intimate acts with my wife as “logging into the client server”
Capt Jack: No more submitting my flight plans on lounge napkins
Erco: Four Words: Mrs. Hanna Montana Erco
Streaks: Stop dressing up in weird costumes and referring to myself as “Mr. Gaga”
Guitarman: Learn a new instrument. Change name to Xylophoneman.
MadTrooper: No more joining Justin Beiber look-a-like contests
Oldtimer: Correct that annoying typo in my Metallica tattoo
Strider: Stop trying to convince Dr. Kevorkian to make house calls to the in-laws.
Sweper: Eat more paint.
Sulky: Get to my perfect weight for my height…by growing two feet taller.
Can_Goose: Get back to my true love, cabaret
Kimosabi: Start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store
TOAD: stop telling people if they lick me they can get high. I’m not a real Toad.
FastDad: Cut back to 3 Rob Roys before flying.
Shadrach: Cut back to 6 Rob Roys after the show. 
BluBear: Convince Olympic Committee to add “Vanilla Ice Dancing” as a sport.
Fenrir: Achieve lifetime goal of appearing on “The View”
Delta7: stop asking strangers if they would like to see my “mission briefs”
Funflak: Turn in Uzi for shiny new bicycle
Dino: Stop dressing up as airport security in order to get in free gropes
Logos: come back! All is forgiven!
Mayhem: stop insisting the Civil War was fought between Jack Daniel and Jim Beam 
Pappy: Stop trying to get through airport security with coins in his underwear so that he can be groped.
Rox: Only pay for sex if the price seems really, really reasonable

[FoolTrottel]

 

Thank you!

[Pooka]

I doubt that Artie has taken BGs suggestion.

[Tonar]

Sweper - Eat more paint LOL !!!!

[Sweper]

How wude.

[BluBear]

Brilliant!

[Jabo]

The Jabonog was not a hit.