Bonger

Little girl goes to the barber shop A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber's chair, eating a cupcake while her dad gets his haircut. The barber smiles at her and says, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin." "I know," she replies, "I'm gonna get tits too."

Choosing a Wife A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to

A death you should know about..... With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in......And then the trouble started.

The DEAF wife........ A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.' That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' No response. So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again he gets no response. So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. 'Honey, what's for dinner?' 'Ralph, for the FIFTH F*******G' time, it's CHICKEN!!!!'

A recent survey in Canada asked the following question: Are there too many foreigners in this country now ? Answer: 18% said: YES 82% said:

What a co-wink-e-dink BG !! The Red Fox is still standing in Calgary as a heratige building and the plaque on the entrance wall pays homage to you for your patronage long ago..... Bonger

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer,

Tiger Woods takes a vacation in Ireland. He is driving his bran new BMW 7 series sadan and decides to stop for some gas. Good old Clancy just happens to be workin the pumps that day and has never heard of the PGA let alone Tiger Woods. Top o the mornin to ya says old Clancy as Tiger steps out of his car. That sure is one beutiful car ya got there lad. Tiger says thanks and as he bends over to put the nozzle in the tank a couple of tees fall out of his top pocket onto the ground. Clancy not knowing what they are says what the hell are those things now? Tiger says those are my tees. Clancy says what are they for? Tiger says I rest my balls on them when I drive. Clancy replies Jesus H christ those guys from BMW think of fockin everything! Quick Draw "Bonger" McGraw

Three things to consider: 1. Cows 2. The Constitution 3. The Ten Commandments Cows - Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a single cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow. The Constitution - They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore. The Ten Commandments - The real reason that we can't have the 10 Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery", and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment!!! Quick Draw "Bonger" McGraw

SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away... TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead. ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull. THE ARTHUR ANDERSEN MODEL You have two cows. You shred them. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide. A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.... A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive. AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. Quick Draw "Bonger" McGraw

Newfoundland Quarter Recall Hang on to any of the new Newfoundland Quarters. If you have them, they may be worth much more than 25 cents. The Canadian Mint announced today that it is recalling all of the Newfoundland quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each province. This action is being taken after numerous reports that the new quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or any other coin operated device. The problem lies in the unique design of the Newfoundland quarter, which was designed by a team of Newfoundlanders. Apparently the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming up the machines. Quick Draw "Bonger" McGraw

Beer

The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semi-finalists: a Yale graduate, and a Newfoundlander.

Thank you for opening the door to another stray mongrel in 2007.... Happy New Year Dogz !! Bonger

HaPpY bIrThDaY yOu DoG !!!!! Bonger

I don't know if you Dogz seen this one before, I thought I pass it along just incase you all haven’t................... http://www.metacafe.com/watch/964180/pr ... accidents/ Bonger

LMAO !

Nice Pics Steve !! Bonger

Happy Birthday Pete! Bonger

Happy birthday BG !! Enjoy YOUR day !!

A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi insurgent, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened. The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scumbag who got what he deserved, and he yelled back that Ted Kennedy is a fat, good-for-nothing, left wing liberal drunk who doesn't know how to drive. So I said that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Hillary Clinton!" "And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when A truck hit us."

THE LAST Perogie An elderly Ukrainian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Ukrainian perogie with fried onions wafting up the stairs. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. Downstairs, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen, where if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were hundreds of his favorite perogie. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? He threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the perogie was already in his mouth. With a trembling hand he reached for a perogie at the edge of the table, when suddenly he was smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife. "Get lost." she said. "They're for the funeral."

Agree, much better with pictures !! Thanks Shadow...U da man !! Bonger

The Little Hooters Girl (Parody of Little Drummer Boy) Little Hooters girl Her rubber tight buns A groovy pair to see Double D fun She brings me chicken wings A ton, a ton, ton She wears tight, skimpy things Her tummy tight tum, rubber tight buns Look at them guns Oh, to ogle them, Her rubber tight buns That’s why we come Little Hooters girl She’s not a dumb-dumb, She brings cold beer to me and poured us all some, A birthday song they sang with mighty big lungs Across the bar they hang her rubber tight bum, double D fun, Had her boobs done Then she smiled at me, I‘ll tip a big ton, me and my chums Look at them guns Had her boobs done (Sorry guys, I had this emailed to me with sound but could not figure out how to copy & past here) Bonger

Born in Winnipeg Manitoba Adopted @ 1 year old by wonderful parents, a Ukranian father & Polish mother who also later adopted my younger sister. Raised in a small Manitoba Hydro community along the Winnipeg River in S.E. corner of the province. My wife searched & found my 100% Ukranian birth mother and younger siblings which included 3 step brothers & 1 step sister in Kamsak Saskatchewan about 3 years ago. I have a huge family now