Grumpies Way To Solve Current Issues

[Sid]

Last night during co-ops it became clear that a lot of us mutts are getting on in years. I think that we particular section of the nation's community have a solution to some of the country's issues. Below is an open letter we could all send to Mr. Cameron:

'Dear Mr. Cameron,

Please find below our suggestion for fixing England 's economy.

Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Grumpies Retirement Plan:

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire - ten million job openings - unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new British car. Ten million cars ordered - car Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - housing crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their kids/grandkids to school/college/university - Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week.....and there's your money back in duty/tax etc

6) Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading schemes that makes us pay for the major polluters, tell the greedy bastards to reduce their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or we shut them down.

And if more money is needed, make sure all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances.

Other points you might consider:

PENSIONERS

Put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home, and then the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks. They'd also receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc. They’d have constant video monitoring so if assistance was needed they’d have immediate help. Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be washed and ironed as needed. There would be a guard to check on them every 20 minutes and staff to bring their meals and snacks to their cell.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling, pool and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.

There would be private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens for anyone who felt the need to exercise.

Each pensioner could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls and there would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and all guards would have a code of conduct that would have to be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised day and night. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week; live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week without any hope of ever getting out

COWS

During the mad cow epidemic, our government could track a single cow, born almost three years ago in Appleby, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria ? And, they even tracked her calves to their individual stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 plus illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each illegal immigrant a cow on entry to the country.

Yours sincerely

......................'

Cheerzen

[Jabo]

Hear hear. But what happens if you don't smoke or drink much? Given that I don't give much to the government from that point of view at present, can I keep the £100 a week?

Jabo

[Blairgowrie]

"Last night during co-ops it became clear that a lot of us mutts are getting on in years"

After crashing during the first few missions, I closed my eyes and dropped off to sleep. Two hours later I woke up and only Jedi and Jabo were on TS whispering to one another!

[B16Enk]

Jedi and Jabo were on TS whispering to one another!

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that how rumours start.

And wasn't this type of behaviour why Jedi's parental units were concerned about him being corrupted hosted by old farts at Duxford?

[Blairgowrie]

Maybe I dreamt the whole thing and it was Painless and Jedi.

[Jabo]

No, it was Jedi and me, but we weren't whispering. How's your hearing? (runs for cover)

Jabo

[Blairgowrie]

Well at least you wouldn't have to run very fast or far!

[FoolTrottel]

Hm, we might suggest to the makers of TS that next to that 'Whisper' thingy, we need a 'Shout' function... or right click a TS user, select 'Wake Up!' and a loud beep is being played...

[DD_Arthur]

Actually the bit about paying off everyones mortgage makes sense. Apparently the amount of money spent by the treasury in the last three years supporting the banking sector would be equivalent to paying off all domestic mortgages in the UK!!!! Also, since all our building societies were bought out by the banks years ago it would also have the benefit of giving back our banking sector the liquidity it craves.

Amazing innit!? Don't know what effect this would have on inflation though which, being an economics dunce, (I've bought another euro-millions ticket today) can I ask; If inflation is bad why does everyone bemoan the slump in house prices we're having? Isn't house-price inflation just as bad as any other kind of inflation?

Edit; Must buy a British car? Fine by me, I've always fancied a Morgan. Are there any other British owned car-makers left?

[BadAim]

Actually, Sid. Your not far off for the states either. Here in Connecticut our new (Very, very Liberal) Governor wants to put a "busway" between two cities that already have direct highway connection on which busses already operate at a cost of several hundred million dollars for 9.5 miles of pavement! It would be cheaper to buy the entirety of the projected ridership a new Honda Civic. At least the Honda's wouldn't require even more government employees that we can't afford to pay to operate them. The sad part of the story is that this is a paltry sum compared to what the twits in Washington are burning up. Our grandchildren won't even be able to pay off the debt. \

[Painless]

~S~ Skidders,

The expression " MANY A TRUE WORD SPOKEN IN JEST " springs to mind M8 !! LOL

Certainly the part about prisons is true . We visit Kingston Prison for "lifers" in Portsmouth every year and all that you said would apply.

British car, hmmmmmmm....... I guess it will have to be an Aston Martin bought in the knowlage that the investment company that bought them from Ford in 1997 is headed by a very British David Richards of Prodrive fame. I know it's a bit thin but I want an Aston !! LOL

~S~ P.

[Crash]

British car, hmmmmmmm....... I guess it will have to be an Aston Martin bought in the knowlage that the investment company that bought them from Ford in 1997 is headed by a very British David Richards of Prodrive fame. I know it's a bit thin but I want an Aston !! LOL

~S~ P.

Can I have one too?

[Jabo]

And me.