1. DDz Quorum B16Enk Posted June 21, 2006 1. DDz Quorum Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 Smile ( s ) of the day Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day when he sees his girlfriend, Sheila about to throw herself off. Bruce slams on the brakes and yells "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think you're doing?" Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day Bruce. Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself." Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this. He says "Strewth Sheila..... Not only are you a great shag but you're a real sport too." and drives off. *************************************************************** Will Young, Robbie and Kylie went for a night on the town, as they left the night-club, Kylie slipped and got her head stuck between the railings of the fence opposite the club. Robbie decided to take full advantage of this and lifted up her little skirt, pushed her thong to one side and gave her a good seeing to. "Its your turn now, Will" grinned Robbie but Will started crying. Robbie asked "Why are you crying, Will? What's wrong?" Will sobbed "My head won't fit between the railings" ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast." Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee. *************************************************************** A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind that you should know five things: 1- The bartender is a blonde girl. 2- The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3- I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4- The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter. 5- The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler. Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DAZZA Posted June 21, 2006 Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 AHAHAH especially the second one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klinger Posted June 21, 2006 Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 Lol. Thanks Rog, today I really needed a good laugh. Q. What do you get when you mix a pea-brain with sophisticated modern technology ? A. Klinger, trying to program his new X52. ~S~ Klinger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blairgowrie Posted June 21, 2006 Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 I am with you Dazza. The second one is very funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quazi Posted June 21, 2006 Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 Thank you Roger m8! I needed that today. I'm still grinnin'. Think I am going to share this with the wife. She will get a good laugh and make the evening a bit brighter for her after a long day. Especially after she eats my cookin' today, geesh! I do hate it for her. Chicken again, HEHE!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sged Posted June 21, 2006 Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 Last one......hillarious!!! woohaa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dubbo Posted June 22, 2006 Report Share Posted June 22, 2006 Thanks But I don't see the joke in the 1st one. He's right. She is a good sport. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beebop-RIP Posted June 22, 2006 Report Share Posted June 22, 2006 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA (gasp gasp) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA (gasp gasp gasp) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sged Posted July 19, 2006 Report Share Posted July 19, 2006 You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Answer below.. Answer: Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're drunk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enforcer57 Posted July 20, 2006 Report Share Posted July 20, 2006 Beebops reaction was almost as good as the jokes. The second one is most appropriate...heh heh. But i can relate to the blonde one a bit more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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