humour

[JensenPark]

ok, may have posted this already - but still good for a chuckle - mostly because is mocks the French.

*"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these

drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by

prostitutes."* --Mark Twain

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"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French

one behind me." --General George S. Patton

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"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your

accordion." --Norman Schwartzkopf

(I love this one)

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"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about

it." --Marge Simpson

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"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure."

--Jacques Chirac, President of France

"As far as France is concerned, you're right." --Rush Limbaugh

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"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army

is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." --Regis Philbin

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"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any

better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True,

you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why

this

is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whisky

I don't know." --P.J. O'Rourke (1989)

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"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of

the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have

the face for it." --John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona

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"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because

he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French,

people." --Conan O'Brien

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"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get

Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out

of France either." --Jay Leno

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"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching

into Paris under a German flag." --David Letterman

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"Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in

Canada." --Ted Nugent

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"The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one

that says 'First Iraq, then France.'" --Tom Brokaw

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"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of

its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the

Nazis?" --Dennis Miller

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"It is important to remember that the French have always been there

when they needed us." --Alan Kent

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"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare

for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag,

and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." --Argus Hamilton

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"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being

advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never shot.

Dropped once.'" --Rep. Roy Blount, MO

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"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've

found truffles in Iraq." --Dennis Miller

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"Raise your right hand if you like the French, raise both hands if

you are French." --Unknown

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Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered

the city in WWII?

A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?

----! --------------------------

"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris?

It's not known, it's never been tried." --Rep. R. Blount, MO

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"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII?

And that's because it was raining."

--John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv

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The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the

London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to

Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and

Collaborate.

The

rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which

destroyed

France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.

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French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney (AP), Paris, March 5, 2003

The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the

use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision co! mes the day after a

nightly

fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris,

caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a

group of Czech tourists

[Dubbo]

"It is important to remember that the French have always been there

when they needed us." --Alan Kent

My favourite :wink:

And

"Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in

Canada." --Ted Nugent

[BadAim]

It's comforting to know that there is annother group besides white heterosexual male christians (Me) that it's politically correct to hate. ROTFL

[B16Enk]

I still love this page, sad but true:

Type:

'french military victories' at google.com and click 'I'm Feeling Lucky'.

Great post Kelly

[JensenPark]

This is my favourite - and it is so true

What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of

its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the

Nazis?" --Dennis Miller