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Hey! I'm Japanese too!

My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I've gained since then. I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?” If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “Thank you” is all I need ... not all this, “How did you get into my house?” business! The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something. On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week. Whereas, a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is very upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese. I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penney has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.” Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch! The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.