Two Golf Stories From Real Life

[Sweper]

1.

A crusty old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the grill room.

As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

COLD BEER: $2.00

HAMBURGER: $2.25

CHEESEBURGER: $2.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH: $3.50

HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old golfer walks up to the bar and

beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of

sun-wrinkled golfers.

She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer. "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile,

"May I help you?"

The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, "I was wondering, young lady," he whispers,

"are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs, "Yes Sir, I sure am."

The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear says softly, "Well, wash your hands real fucking good,

cause I want a cheeseburger."

2.

A foursome of guys is waiting at the men's tee while a foursome of

women is hitting from the ladies' tee in front of them. The ladies are

taking their time.

When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it 10 feet.

Then she goes over and whiffs it completely. Then she hacks it another

ten feet and finally hacks it another five feet.

She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically, "I

guess all those fucking lessons I took over the winter didn't help."

One of the men immediately responds, "Well, there you have it. You

should have taken golf lessons instead!"