My Tales From The Road - Volume 3 Episode 4

[Friar]

Well Hello again my faithful flock,

 

I have returned from my journeys around this fine country of ours spreading the word of the Priory of St Oleg.

My journeys recently have seen my travel to the western side, that is not a reference to John Wayne although "Little Big Horn" was mentioned once or twice. I have been to Dorchester, Exeter and Bristol. These journeys have been fraught with danger. Finding somewhere to rest my head after a hard days travelling and attending parish meetings with the "locals" has been interesting to say the least.

 

It was only on Wednesday when attempting to move from Dorchester (not pronounced "Door-Chester" for the chaps "over the pond" but as one word "Dorchester", simple?). It so transpired that a wagon carrying used spittoons from the many bars that proliferate the town of Poundberry (this in itself is an interesting place. Designed with input from Prince Charles it features no road markings or yellow lines (parking restrictions), no speed signs or lamp-posts. An idea from the Netherlands apparently. It is supposed to make drivers more aware of their surroundings as they are not being bombarded with information making them think for themselves (The Priory help us with the standard of some of our drivers.)

 

Wondering around looking for fallen women to bring back to the Priory was not easy. I received may a strange reaction when approaching the ladies of the area if they needed picking up.

 

Anyway back to my journey. Sister Gloria, for it is she that always guides my path when I travel on such journeys was made aware of the blockage and advised me to take an alternative route. Well I have to say although she sent me down many single track lanes, some with grass growing down the middle I did arrive safely at my destination. My route took me past many farms with lots of livestock, grazing right by the fence. Many sheep, looking at me, in their head saying “looking for a good time lovee”, but I continued (although I did take a few numbers (14 and 56 seemed like they were well up for it).

 

Upon arriving at my tavern I booked in and went to my cell, sorry room. A single bed, cupboard for my habit and a TV (which I had to watch at an angle of 120 degrees as the tilt arm was broken. Also the Ariel cable was frayed and had to be wiggled to make a connection, but for £57 pounds a night (breakfast included but no maid to tuck me in or warm the bed, unlike the service we offer when guests stay at the Priory) I cannot expect too much.

 

So I finally arrived home Friday evening to find much has been going on. I see that we have had some issues with hosting but that as now been sorted by our fantastic technical services department (known as B16ENK or “Roger”).

 

The most satisfying news is to find that we have found another web weary wondering friend in the form of “Sicker55” has joined the flock. I see that he hails from Wolverhampton. For those of you who do not know, I expect Slicker to have an accent much like that of Sid from “Bromsgove” and “Reddich” (insert my voice in to your head from ts at this point, Sid I am sure wont object)

 

Welcome my friend. I am here to serve as the totally non-denominational Chaplin. I am also considered by some to be the most senior member of the dogz although I am not sure what they mean by “senior” as I can sometimes wonder off topic…that reminds me I must remember to get the new candles from the shop. The stock at the Priory seems to be going down rather quick, I personally believe that Sister Jill has something to do with it, now where was I, Ah yes..you can contact me at any time with problems. I am especially happy to discuss any personal problems relating to relationships of the physical nature and (providing a suitable amount of money has been placed in the Priory collecting bowl promise not to use it or blurt it out should I find you on my six about to shoot me down.

All being well I am hoping to be around on Sunday for the usual service where I hope you will attend.

 

Well it is great to be back home again, although the work of the Priory will take me off again soon so, Dogz,  shoot me down while you have the chance.

 

 

[DD_Fenrir]

Oooh, goody. I'd better go check the boresight on my kite....

 

Great to have you back Col. In one piece too. And with no major newspaper allegation either!