A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part
of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes
the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is
frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an
anticlimax.
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his
level and beat you with experience.
2. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.
3. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on
the list.
4. If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not
putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and
then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where
a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
10. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but
it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
11. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity,
they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw
them fish.
12. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay
checks.
13. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says
"In an emergency, notify:" I put "Doctor".
14. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall
of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a
parachute to skydive twice.
17. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some
good ideas!
18. Hospitality: Making your guests feel like they're at home,
even if you wish they were.
19. I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be
devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my
foot.
20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone
down so they can't get away.
21. I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of
lemon, and a shot of tequila.
22. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the
Fire Department usually uses water.
23. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
24. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and then call
whatever you hit, the target.