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GreyKnight

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Posts posted by GreyKnight

    Tommy Cooper classics - humour

    in Jim's Place

    Posted

    On 15th April 1984, Tommy Cooper collapsed during a live television broadcast at Her Majesty's Theatre.

    The people in the audience were still laughing as Tommy, lying on the stage, had the curtain brought down on him and the show cut to a commercial break.

    The show's host, one of Tommy's great friends, Jimmy Tarbuck, recalled the moment. "As usual, he was supposed to make a mess of the last trick. He was wearing a long cloak from which he was supposed to start bringing out large objects. Then a ladder would come through his legs followed by a milk churn and a long pole.

    When Tommy fell backwards I thought he'd put another gag in. I thought he was going to do some levitation trick from under his cloak. We all expected him to get up and we waited for the roar of laughter. It was terrible when he didn't."

    Ten minutes later Tommy Cooper died on the way to hospital.

    I remember my whole family sitting and watching it on TV, then turning to one another saying, "...I don't think that was supposed to happen."

    :(

    Things They Wish They Had Never Said ...

    in Jim's Place

    Posted

    MICHAEL Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:

    "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

    ---

    Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open:

    "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

    ---

    MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:

    "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

    ---

    JACK Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike racing:

    "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."

    ---

    Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning:

    "She was practicing fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

    ---

    WINNING Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead:

    "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

    ---

    Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond:

    "Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

    ---

    CRICKETER Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe:

    "With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."

    ---

    CLAIR Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:

    "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

    ---

    JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked:

    "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

    ---

    STEVE Ryder covering the US Masters:

    "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."

    ---

    THE new stand at Doncaster racecourse took Brough Scott's breath away...

    "My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

    ---

    WILLIE Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said:

    "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."

    ---

    CARENZA Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said:

    "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

    ---

    A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked,

    "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?"

    Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

    ---

    US PGA Commentator -

    "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them.... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

    ---

    Metro Radio -

    "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

    ---

    Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 -

    "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."

    ---

    Ted Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator -

    "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

    ---

    New Zealand Rugby Commentator -

    "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

    ---

    Pat Glenn- Weightlifting commentator -

    "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

    Red flyer at home on a Sunday

    in Jim's Place

    Posted

    Just use the INSERT FLASH icon and stick the URL for your video inside it the tags. Also, change the default window size to match that of YouTube, 425,350.

    p.s. I edited your post to show you.

    p.p.s Here's another excellent example of it...

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