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I recall, without fondness, the British military rations from when I was serving.
Bloody awful stuff, I'm sure the preservatives used will result in cremation being mandatory
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For all of you who Know what an MRE is... And those that don't this is too funny and true not to be read.
MRE dinner date, the following is a true story... Told from the point of view of a young Marine.
I had a date the other night at my place. On the phone the day before, the girl asked me to "Cook her something she's never had before" for dinner.
After many minutes of scratching my head over what to make, I finally settled on something she has DEFINITELY, definitely had never eaten before. I got out my trusty case of MRE's. (Meal, Ready-to-Eat) Field rations that when eaten in their entirety contain 3000+ calories in each meal.
Here's what I made: I took three of the Ham Slices out of their plastic packets, took out three of the Pork Chops, three packets of Chicken-a-la-king and eight packets of dehydrated butter noodles and some dehydrated/rehydrated rice.
I cooked the Ham Slices and Pork Chops in one pan, sautéed in shaved garlic and olive oil. In another pot, I blended the Chicken a-la-king, noodles, and rice together to make a sort of mush that looked suspiciously like succotash. I added some spices, and blended everything together in a glass pan that I then cooked in the oven for about 35 minutes at 450 degrees.
When I took it out, it looked like, well, ham slices, pork chops, and a bed of yellow poop. I covered the tops of the meat in the MRE cheese (kinda like Velveeta) and added some green sprinkly things from one of my spice cans (hey, if it has green sprinkly things on it, it looks fancy right?
For dessert, I took four MRE Pound Cakes, mashed 'em up, added five packets of cocoa powder, powdered coffee cream, and some water.
I heated it up and stirred it until it looked like a sort of chunky gelatinous xxxxxxx, and I sprinkled powdered sugar on top of it. Voila, "Angry Pudding."
For alcoholic drinks, I took the rest of my bottle of Military Special Vodka (yes, they DO make a type of liquor named "Military Special"...it sells for $4.35 per fifth at the Class Six) and mixed in four packets of "Electrolytes - 1 each - Cherry flavored" (I swear, the packet says that). It looked like an eerie Kool-Aid with sparkles in it (that was the electrolytes I guess... Could've been leftover sand from Egypt ).
I lit two candles, put a vase of wildflowers in the middle, and set the table with my best set of Ralph Lauren Academy -series China (that stuff is EXPENSIVE... My set of 8 place settings cost me over $600 on sale at the Lejeune PX), and put the alcoholic drink in a crystal wine decanter.
She came over, and I had some appetizers already made, of MRE spaghetti-with-meatballs, set in small cups. She saw the dinner, saw the food, and said "This looks INCREDIBLE!!!"
We dug in, and she loved the food. Throughout the meal, she kept asking me how long it took me to make it, and kept remarking that I obviously knew a thing or two about cooking fine meals. She kind of balked at the make-shift "wine" I had set out, but after she tried it I guess she liked it because she drank four glasses during dinner.
At the end of the main course, when I served the dessert, she squealed with delight at the "Chocolate mousse" I had made.
Huh? Chocolate what? Okay... Yeah... Its Chocolate Moose. Took me HOURS to make... Yup!
Later on, as we were watching a movie, she excused herself to use my rest room. While she was in there, I heard her say softly to herself "uh oh" and a resounding but petite fart punctuated her utterance of dismay. Let the games begin. She sprayed about half a can of air freshener (Air Freshener, 1 each, Orange scent. Yup.. The military even makes smell-good) and returned to the couch, this time with an obvious pained look.
After 10 more minutes she excused herself again, and retreated to the bathroom for the second time, I could hear her say, "What the hell is WRONG with me???" as she again send flatulent shockwaves into the porcelain bowl. This time, they sounded kind of wet, and I heard the toilet paper roll being employed, and again, LOTS more air freshener.
Back to the couch. She smiles meekly as she decides to sit on the chair instead of next to me. She sits on my chair, knees pulled up to her chest, kind of rocking back and forth slightly. Suddenly, without a word, she ROCKETED up and FLEW to the bathroom, slammed the door, and didn't come out for 30 minutes.
I turned the movie up because I didn't want her to hear me laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my cheeks.
She came out with a slightly gray pallor to her face, and said "I am SOOOOOO sorry. I have NO idea what is wrong with me. I am so embarrassed; I can't believe I keep running to your bathroom!!"
I gave her an Imodium AD, and she finally settled down and relaxed. Later on, she asked me again what I had made for dinner, because she had enjoyed it so much. I calmly took her into the kitchen and showed her all the used MRE bags and packets in the trash can.
After explaining to her that she had eaten roughly 9,000 calories of "Marine Corps Field Rations" she turned stark white, looked at me incredulously, and said "I ate 9,000 calories of dehydrated food that was made 3 years ago?"
After I admitted it, she grabbed her coat and keys, and took off without a word. She called me yesterday. Seems she couldn't shit for 5 days, and when she finally did, the smell was so bad, her roommate could smell it from down the hall. She also told me she had been working out nonstop to combat the high caloric intake, and that she never wanted me to cook dinner for her again, unless she was PERSONALLY present and supervising.
It was a fun date. She laughed about it eventually and said that that was the first time she'd ever crapped in a guy's house on a date. She'd been so upset by it she was in tears in the bathroom while I had been in tears on the couch.
I know... I'm an asshole, but it was still a funny night.
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I've not played Warband, just the single player original, Mount & Blade. What kind of numbers of players can you get playing together in Warband before it gets laggy?
We regularly see 40-70 players online on our server, there is client induced lag but this is solved by briefly hitting the menu (or so I am told).
We see peak daily data transfers of 64GB when the server is really busy (I have put a Persistent World mod on for my son).
Biggest issue is finding good admins/mods to keep rules obeyed, and why we are considering running a second no rules server.
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decent length for extra enjoyment.
My wife's lament..
More seriously - great work there pup, I have often day dreamed creating a long-throw stick system that retains compactness and can still be desktop mounted.
Collective idea is pretty cool too, helo flying is another ambition of mine
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One of the servers I'm renting is an 8 core 8GB RAM box with 750GB disk space.
Running 1/2 Warband servers for my lad, and 2 minecraft servers.
We recently started work on the 2nd MC server which is currently a whitelist server, and are scheming to get donations to keep it running.
If you PM me your mc username I can add you to the whitelist
A strangely absorbing game, I generated a google map for it and it weighed in at 14GB uncompressed, 6 GB compressed so need to work out a way of uploading it
Our map is 18322 chunks currently..
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Seen others have brief dalliances in the likes of World of Tanks (I have abandoned this personally) CoD, MoH etc.
Greyknight posted a YouTube video of Warband, you still play that?
My lad does and has a server that is a bit of a headache with admin (kicking and banning etc).
Any one tried MineCraft which appears to be quite popular?
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Original post was somewhat tongue in cheek, as has been observed at no point do you actually see the pirates being transferred to their ship.
However if it were true I think I for one would applaud, Somali being a lawless ungoverned spawn this may be one way of curtailing their activities
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Read the text BEFORE starting the video.
Once the Pirates have been overcome they put them under guard,
search and videotape the weapons, etc., that prove the men there are not
"fishermen" but pirates, then they handcuff them to their boat, set
demolition charges, and return to their ship. The pirate boat then is
exploded and the boat and everyone on board go to the bottom of the sea
via a raging inferno:
RUSSIAN NAVY CAPTURES SOMALIAN PIRATES
This videotape shows Russian Navy commandos on a Somalian
pirate ship shortly after the pirates had captured a Russian oil
tanker. The Euro Union navy that patrols these waters would not interfere
because they feared there could be casualties.
All speaking is in Russian with a single exception of when a
wounded pirate says something in English. If you don't understand
Russian, the pictures speak for themselves.
The soldiers freed their compatriots and the tanker. The
Russian Navy Commandos moved the pirates back to their own (pirate) ship,
searched the pirate ship for weapons and explosives, and then they left
the ship and exploded it with all remaining pirates hand-cuffed to it.
The commandos sank the pirate ship along with ;the pirates
and without any court proceedings, lawyers etc. That is, they used the
anti-piracy laws of the 18th and 19th centuries where the captain of the
rescuing ship had the right to decide what to do with the pirates.
I would think from now on, Russian ships will not be targets for Somalia
pirates.
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Dave Barry's 2010 Year in Review
Let's face it -- 2010 was a disaster. A month-by-month reminder of just how
awful it was.
By Dave Barry
The Miami Herald
Saturday, 01.01.11
Let's put things into perspective: 2010 was not the worst year ever. There
have been MUCH worse years. For example, toward the end of the Cretaceous
Period, the Earth was struck by an asteroid that wiped out 75 percent of all
the species on the planet. Can we honestly say that we had a worse year
than those species did? Yes we can, because they were not exposed to Jersey
Shore.
So on second thought we see that this was, in fact, the worst year ever.
The perfect symbol for the awfulness of 2010 was the BP oil spill, which
oozed up from the depths and spread, totally out of control, like some kind
of hideous uncontrollable metaphor. (Or, Jersey Shore.) The scariest thing
about the spill was, nobody in charge seemed to know what to do about it.
Time and again, top political leaders personally flew down to the Gulf of
Mexico to look at the situation first-hand and hold press availabilities.
And yet somehow, despite these efforts, the oil continued to leak. This
forced us to face the disturbing truth that even top policy thinkers with
postgraduate degrees from Harvard University - Harvard University! - could
not stop it.
The leak was eventually plugged by non-policy people using machinery of some
kind. But by then our faith in our leaders had been shaken, especially since
they also seemed to have no idea what to do about this pesky recession.
Congress tried every remedy it knows, ranging all the way from borrowing
money from China and spending it on government programs, to borrowing MORE
money from China and spending it on government programs. But in the end, all
of this stimulus created few actual jobs, and most of those were in the
field of tar-ball collecting.
Things were even worse abroad. North Korea continued to show why it is known
as "the international equivalent of Charlie Sheen." The entire nation of
Greece went into foreclosure and had to move out; it is now living with
relatives in Bulgaria. Iran continued to develop nuclear weapons, all the
while insisting that they would be used only for peaceful scientific
research, such as - to quote President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad - "seeing what
happens when you drop one on Israel." Closer to home, the already strained
relationship between the United States and Mexico reached a new low
following the theft, by a Juarez-based drug cartel, of the Grand Canyon.
This is not to say that 2010 was all bad. There were bright spots. Three, to
be exact:
1. The Yankees did not even get into the World Series.
2. There were several days during which Lindsay Lohan was neither
going into, nor getting out of, rehab.
3. Apple released the hugely anticipated iPad, giving iPhone
people, at long last, something to fondle with their other hand.
Other than that, 2010 was a disaster. To make absolutely sure that we do not
repeat it, let's remind ourselves just how bad it was. Let's put this year
into a full-body scanner and check out its junk, starting with...
JANUARY
...which begins grimly, with the pesky unemployment rate remaining high.
Every poll shows that the major concerns of the American people are federal
spending, the exploding deficit, and - above all - jobs. Jobs, jobs, jobs:
This is what the public is worried about. In a word, the big issue is: jobs.
So the Obama administration, displaying the keen awareness that has become
its trademark, decides to focus like a laser on: health-care reform. The
centerpiece of this effort is a historic bill that will either (a) guarantee
everybody excellent free health care, or (
permit federal bureaucrats toclub old people to death. Nobody knows which, because nobody has read the
bill, which in printed form has the same mass as a UPS truck.
The first indication that the health-care bill is not wildly popular comes
when Republican Scott Brown, who opposes the bill, is elected to the U.S.
Senate by Massachusetts voters, who in normal times would elect a crustacean
before they would vote Republican. The vote shocks the Obama administration,
which - recognizing that it is perceived as having its priorities wrong -
decides that the president will make a series of high-profile speeches on
the urgent need for: health-care reform.
In other economic news, Toyota announces a huge recall following reports
that its popular Camry model is behaving unpredictably - accelerating,
decelerating, downloading Internet porn and traveling backward in time to
unstable historical periods. This is expected to benefit Toyota's
competitors, especially troubled GM, which is hoping to score big with the
new "Volt," a revolutionary vehicle capable of traveling nearly six miles
before its 19,500 triple-A batteries must be replaced.
But January's biggest story, watched with growing alarm by observers around
the world and threatening to force the United Nations to intervene, is the
tense confrontation between Conan O'Brien and Jay Leno over who gets to be
on NBC at 11:35 p.m. and tell jokes until the viewing audience falls asleep
at 11:43. After a brutal struggle, Leno triumphs; O'Brien, vowing revenge,
flees into the hills above Los Angeles with a small but loyal band of
agents.
In other entertainment news, the runaway movie hit is Avatar, a futuristic
epic about humans who travel to an alien planet to mine a precious mineral
that they believe will give them the power to emit believable dialogue. This
being a James Cameron movie, they fail.
Speaking of alien planets, in...
FEBRUARY
...Iran triumphantly announces (we are not making this item up) that it has
launched into sub-orbital space a rocket carrying a rodent, two turtles and
several worms. Iranian state television reports that the nation's space
program is "peaceful," and that the rodent (we are still not making this up)
is named "Helmz 1."
In U.S. politics, President Obama, responding to the mounting public concern
about jobs, invites Democratic and Republican congressional leaders to the
White House for a historic daylong summit on: health-care reform. Despite
their deep philosophical differences, the two sides are able, after hours of
sometimes-heated debate, to hammer out an agreement on when to break for
lunch. They fail to make any progress on health care, although in his
closing remarks President Obama notes that the historic summit produced
"only minor furniture damage."
In business news, Toyota suffers yet another blow when a U.S. Department of
Transportation study links the Camry to both diabetes and the JFK
assassination. The CEO of Toyota appears before a congressional committee
and offers a sincere and heartfelt apology for his company's problems. At
least that's what his translator claims; it is later determined that what
the CEO actually told the committee was, quote, "you have an eggplant in
your bottom."
Speaking of apologies: Tiger Woods delivers a nationally televised speech in
which he says he is very, very sorry and has sworn off having sex with as
many as eight different hot women per day. His golf game immediately goes
into the toilet.
In other sports news, the Vancouver Winter Olympics begin on an uncertain
note when it is discovered that Vancouver - apparently nobody realized this
ahead of time - is a seaside city with a mild climate, so there is no snow.
This hampers some of the competition, as for example when the Latvian
cross-country ski team gets bogged down in mud and is eaten by alligators.
Despite these setbacks, the games are deemed a big success, at least by the
Canadians, because they won in hockey.
In Super Bowl XMLLMMXVIIX, the underdog New Orleans Saints defeat the
Indianapolis Colts, setting off a celebration so joyous that people on
Bourbon Street are still throwing up.
Speaking of celebrations, in...
MARCH
...Democratic congressional leaders, responding to polls showing that the
health-care bill is increasingly unpopular with the public, manage, with a
frantic, last-minute effort, to pass the health-care bill, or at least a
giant mass of paper that is assumed to be the health-care bill. This leads
to a triumphant White House signing ceremony, the highlight of which is Vice
President Joe "Joe" Biden dropping the f-bomb moments before being hustled
off by aides to have an important meeting with somebody important.
Everyone at the ceremony agrees that the new law is historic and will become
hugely popular with the American people once they have the opportunity to
hear a few dozen more high-profile speeches about it from President Obama.
But opposition is "brewing" in the form of the Tea Party movement,
consisting of regular Americans who are fed up with costly big-government
programs except for Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid. They are
determined to elect a new breed of representatives who are not career
politicians, or even necessarily sane.
In international news:
* Greece asks the International Monetary Fund if it can borrow 17
billion euro for "cigarettes."
* Somali pirates, becoming increasingly brazen, seize the Staten
Island Ferry.
* Iranian hero space rodent Helmz 1 is captured attempting to
scurry across the Lebanese border into Israel. Iran claims this is a
peaceful mission, but the Israelis note that Helmz 1 is wearing
a tiny backpack filled with enough explosives to - in the words of one
military analyst - "put somebody's eye out."
On a more hopeful note, on March 27 people in more than 4,000 cities around
the world turn off their lights in observance of Earth Hour, saving an
estimated 45 million megawatts of electricity - enough to power one of Al
Gore's houses for nearly three days.
But the environment suffers a big setback in...
APRIL
...when the Deepwater Horizon rig explodes in the Gulf of Mexico after being
struck by a runaway Toyota Camry. BP initially downplays the magnitude of
the problem, claiming that the resulting oil leak is smallish and might go
away on its own or even prove to be, quote, "nutritious for oysters." Soon,
however, large patches of crude oil are drifting toward land, and it becomes
clear that this is a major disaster - a challenge that we, as a nation, will
have to meet, as we have met other challenges, with a combination of photo
opportunities, lawsuits and tweeting.
Elsewhere on the disaster scene, Iceland's Eyjafjallajökull (literally,
"many syllables") volcano erupts, sending huge clouds of ash into the
atmosphere and forcing airlines throughout northern Europe to ground all
flights. Greece, although not directly affected, announces that it will take
six months off, just in case; France, as an added precaution, surrenders.
In domestic news, Arizona passes a controversial new law designed to crack
down on illegal immigrants; this draws a sharp rebuke from the Mexican
government, currently headquartered in Tucson.
President Obama outlines his bold vision for the U.S. space program, calling
for a manned mission to establish comprehensive health-care reform on Mars
by 2030. The president also signs a historic arms-reduction treaty with
Russian President Dmitry Medvedev under which both countries will destroy
one-third of their older nuclear missiles by upgrading them to Windows
Vista. In a related development, Iran purchases $78 million worth of used
nuclear-missile parts on Craigslist.
Speaking of growing menaces, in...
MAY
...the pesky Deepwater Horizon oil spill dominates the news as BP tries a
series of increasingly desperate measures to plug the leak, including, at
one point, a 167,000-pound wad of pre-chewed Juicy Fruit. President Obama,
eager to show that he is on top of the situation, develops severe forehead
cramps from standing on the shore and frowning with concern at the water.
Meanwhile, Congress holds televised hearings that establish, beyond any
reasonable doubt, that Congress is very upset about, and totally opposed to,
large oil spills. Despite these heroic efforts, the leak continues to grow,
and by the end of the month is threatening suburban Des Moines.
On the terror front, New York City police, alerted by Times Square street
vendors, discover a smoking SUV packed with explosives - a violation of many
city ordinances, including the ban on smoking. Fortunately, the car bomb is
disarmed, and a suspect is later captured at Kennedy Airport by sharp-eyed
TSA officers trained to spot suspicious behavior.
Ha ha! Just kidding, of course. The suspect is captured by U.S. Customs
agents at the last minute after boarding a Dubai-bound plane filled with
passengers who, like the suspect, had all been carefully screened by the TSA
to make sure they were not carrying more than three ounces of shampoo.
In other air-travel news, the boards of directors of United and Continental
approve a merger that will create one of the world's largest airlines, with
a combined total of 700 planes, 88,000 employees, and nearly two dozen
packets of peanuts.
But the big financial news is the May 6 stock market "Flash Crash." The Dow
at one point is down nearly 1,000 points, including a drop of 600 points in
five minutes, resulting in what financial analysts say is the largest mass
purchase of emergency replacement underwear in Wall Street history. The SEC
investigates the crash and later issues a 350-page report concluding: "You
know that eTrade baby? In the commercials? With the grown man's voice?
That baby is REAL."
Abroad, thousands of people riot in the streets of Athens to protest a
report by the International Monetary Fund concluding that Greece should
"think about maybe getting a part-time job."
In sports, yet another major-league pitcher pitches yet another perfect
game, and the baseball world wets its collective pants, because there is
nothing more exciting to a true baseball fan than a game in which one of the
teams can't even manage to get on base.
The excitement mounts in...
JUNE
...as the Deepwater Horizon oil leak continues to gush, with each day
bringing alarming new media reports claiming that it is an even worse
environmental disaster than had been reported the previous day. The furor
culminates in a New York Times story stating that eventually all the oil in
the world will leak out through the hole in the Gulf floor and cover the
entire planet with a layer of oil 27 feet deep, which, according to The
Times, would be "potentially devastating for polar bears." BP attempts to
stop the leak using a high-tech robot submarine, only to see the effort fail
when the sub is seized by Somali pirates. In Washington, the CEO of BP
appears before an angry House Subcommittee on Oversight and Investigations,
which votes unanimously, after 7 1/2 half hours of testimony, to give him a
noogie. Still, somehow, the oil keeps leaking.
Rolling Stone magazine publishes a controversial article in which Gen.
Stanley A. McChrystal, the top U.S. commander in Afghanistan, is quoted as
saying that the Beatles' version of Twist and Shout is better than the Isley
Brothers.' President Obama has no choice but to relieve the general of his
command.
Abroad, U.S. intelligence intercepts a top-secret cable from Iran to North
Korea, apparently written in code, stating: "Thanks for selling us the
buclear beapons." In response, the U.S. threatens to impose harsh new
sanctions that, in the words of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, "will
make the previous harsh sanctions that we threatened to impose seem like
only moderate threatened sanctions, and this time we are not kidding
around."
On the world economic front, thousands of rock-throwing rioters take to the
streets of both Athens and Rome to protest punishing new austerity measures
under which they would no longer be provided by the government with free
rocks.
In consumer news, Apple finally releases the long-awaited iPhone 4, which
incorporates many subtle improvements, the cumulative result of which is
that it can neither make nor receive telephone calls. It is, of course, a
huge hit.
In sports, the World Cup gets underway in South Africa; despite fears of
violence, the massive event is totally peaceful, except for the estimated
13,000 people who leap to their deaths from the tops of stadiums to escape
the sound of the vuvuzelas. The early tournament highlight (which we are
not making up) is provided by the French team, which, after getting off to a
bad start, goes on strike.
Speaking of bad, in...
JULY
...the Deepwater Horizon oil spill officially becomes, according to the news
media, the worst thing that has ever happened, with environmental experts
reporting that tar balls have been sighted on the surface of the moon. Just
when all appears to be lost, BP announces that it has stopped the leak,
using a 75-ton cap and what a company spokesperson describes as "a truly
heroic manatee named Wendell." Although oil is no longer leaking, much
damage has been done, so this important story remains the focus of the
nation's attention for nearly 45 minutes, after which the nation's attention
shifts to Lindsay Lohan.
In other national news, Congress passes and President Obama signs into law a
financial-reform act designed to curb Wall Street excesses by mandating the
death penalty for anybody caught wearing a watch costing more than a house.
Having guaranteed that the financial community will behave in a responsible
manner, Washington returns to the important work of running up the deficit.
On the foreign economic front, anger builds over plans by the governments of
both Greece and France to raise the retirement age, which means workers
would have to continue striking for several years longer before they could
start collecting pensions. In protest, everybody in both nations goes on
strike.
In the World Cup final, Spain defeats Holland, only to have the trophy
snatched away by the North Korean team, which, despite a U.S. threat of
"really, really harsh sanctions," turns it over to the Iranian team, which
was not even in the tournament. Eerily, all of this was predicted by a
psychic octopus named Paul, who is immediately hired by Goldman Sachs.
But the big sports story is the decision by LeBron James, announced in a
one-hour television special watched by a worldwide audience estimated at 127
billion, to take his talents to South Beach and play for the Miami Heat,
where he will join Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh, Michael Jordan, the late Wilt
Chamberlain and Jesus to form a dream basketball team so supremely excellent
that it cannot possibly lose, not even one single game, EVER, in theory.
Miami erupts in a joyous weeks-long victory celebration. During the
excitement Fidel Castro dies, an event that goes unreported in The Miami
Herald, which has devoted all its staff resources to a nine-part series
speculating on whom LeBron will select as his dentist.
The month ends on a troubling note as the United Nations Security Council
votes unanimously to send a peacekeeping force to quell Mel Gibson.
Speaking of troubling, in...
AUGUST
...concern over the direction of the U.S. economy deepens when Federal
Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, in what some economists see as a sign of
pessimism, applies for Canadian citizenship.
In other economic news, the first family, seeking to boost Gulf tourism,
vacations in Panama City, where President Obama, demonstrating that the
water is perfectly safe despite the oil spill, plunges in for a swim. Quick
action by the Secret Service rescues him from the jaws of a mutant 500-pound
shrimp sprouting what appear to be primitive wings. The first family hastily
departs for Martha's Vineyard to demonstrate that the water is also
perfectly safe there.
Speaking of getaways: JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater becomes a
national sensation when he curses out a passenger, deploys the evacuation
chute, grabs two beers and slides out of the plane. He is immediately hired
as director of customer relations by the TSA.
In the month's most dramatic story, 33 copper miners in Chile are trapped
2,300 feet underground following a cave-in caused by a runaway Toyota Camry.
The good news is that the men are still alive; the bad news is that the only
drilling equipment capable of reaching them quickly belongs to BP. Informed
of this, the men elect to stay down there for the time being.
In legal news, Elena Kagan is sworn in as the newest Supreme Court justice,
having established, in three days of testimony before the Senate Judiciary
Committee, that she went to either Harvard or Yale. Elsewhere, a federal
jury deadlocks on 22 of 24 charges against former Illinois Gov. Rod
Blagojevich, convicting him only of, quote, "being some kind of enormous
rodent." Outside the courtroom, Blagojevich tearfully thanks his supporters,
then robs a convenience store.
In New York City, the big issue is a proposal to build, two blocks from
Ground Zero, a Muslim community center that proponents claim will promote
dialogue. Even in the purely conceptual phase it promotes a huge amount of
dialogue, to the point where National Guard troops may need to be called in.
Another heartwarming interfaith story erupts in...
SEPTEMBER
...when Terry Jones, pastor of a tiny church in Florida, declares that he
will proceed with plans to burn a Koran on 9/11. The media, recognizing that
this is not really news, ignore him, and the matter is quickly forgotten.
But seriously: Jones becomes a major international story, comparable in
magnitude to all of the Kardashians combined. President Obama speaks out
against Jones' plan, as do members of Congress, the military and virtually
every American religious leader; abroad, there are fatal riots. Finally,
after a great deal of soul-searching TV exposure, Jones decides not to burn
the Koran, explaining, "I finally figured out that I'm just an
attention-seeking jerkwater idiot." The news media vow never again to
encourage this kind of mindless hysteria. Abroad, the rioters agree to stop
taking everything so darned seriously.
Getting back to reality: The 2010 election season enters its final days with
polls showing that Congress enjoys the same overall level of voter
popularity as hemorrhoids. Incumbents swarm out of Washington and head for
their home districts to campaign on the theme of how much they hate
Washington, in the desperate hope that the voters will return them to
Washington. President Obama, basking in the glow of the health-care reform
act, offers to campaign for Democratic candidates, only to find that many of
them have important dental appointments and are unable to join him on
whatever day he is planning to visit. Adding zest to the Republican stew is
the presence of many "Tea Party" candidates, including Delaware Senate
hopeful Christine O'Donnell, who at one point in her campaign releases a TV
commercial that begins with her stating, in a calm and reassuring tone, that
she is not a witch.
Meanwhile in Chile, an attempt to deliver food to the 33 trapped copper
miners ends in a tragic accident involving what mining officials describe as
"an incredibly courageous Domino's driver."
Speaking of tragic, in...
OCTOBER
...the U.S. economy suffers another blow as the Federal Bureau of Never
Expecting Unemployment To Be As High As It Actually Is reports that, for the
37th consecutive month, unemployment is unexpectedly high. "Darned if we
didn't get fooled again!" exclaims a bureau spokesperson, adding, "We expect
it to be lower next month." Meanwhile Federal Reserve Chairman Bernanke,
speaking from his new office in Toronto, announces a plan to drastically
increase the U.S. money supply by "quantitative easing," a controversial
process involving what Bernanke describes as "a major job for Kinko's."
The economy remains the big theme as the congressional elections enter the
home stretch, with incumbents from both parties declaring their eagerness to
go back to Washington and knock some sense into whatever incompetent morons
are in charge. Polls show that the voters are in a very cranky mood, which
tends to favor outsiders such as the Tea Party candidates, although
O'Donnell definitely hurts her chances in Delaware when, during a televised
debate, she turns her opponent into a toad.
President Obama, continuing his quest to find candidates willing to accept
his help, winds up campaigning in what White House spokesperson Robert Gibbs
describes as "some very key student-council races." Meanwhile Sarah Palin,
raising her stature as a potential 2012 GOP presidential contender, weighs
in on the issues with a number of important tweets.
On the legal front, the Supreme Court, as it does every October, begins a
new term, which is hastily adjourned when the justices discover that their
robes have bedbugs.
In the month's most dramatic story, the 33 trapped Chilean miners are all
brought safely to the surface, only to be sent right back down because they
failed to bring up any copper - which, as the mining company points out,
"was the whole point of sending them down there in the first place."
Meanwhile in France, millions of workers again take to the streets to
demonstrate, in no uncertain terms, that they are French.
Elsewhere abroad, terrorists in Yemen attempt to send mail bombs to the
United States, confirming the long-held suspicions of U.S. intelligence that
there really is a country named "Yemen." The plot, which involves explosives
concealed inside printer cartridges, is foiled, but as a precaution the TSA
decides to prohibit air travelers in the Unites States from carrying
anything capable of printing, including pens, pencils, and children in
grades 2 through 5.
In sports, the National Football League, seeking to reduce violence, imposes
stiff fines for defensive beheading.
Speaking of gory, in...
NOVEMBER
...the elections turn out to be a bloodbath for the Democrats, who lose the
House of Representatives, a bunch of Senate seats, some governorships, some
state legislatures and all of the key student-council races. Also a number
of long-term Democratic incumbents are urinated on by their own dogs.
President Obama immediately departs for a nine-day trip to Asia to see if
anybody over there wants to hear about the benefits of health-care reform.
Speaking of health: Some air travelers express concern about radiation from
the TSA's new high-resolution scanners, especially after screeners at O'Hare
are seen using one to make popcorn. TSA chief John Pistole insists that the
scanners are completely safe "as long as you move through quickly." He also
assures passengers that their body images "are not saved for any purpose
whatsoever, such as entertainment at the TSA Christmas party." Nevertheless
some passengers refuse to be scanned; they are required to undergo a manual
procedure that is known, within the agency, as "the full gerbil."
World tension mounts as North Korea, in what is widely seen as a deliberate
act of provocation, fires artillery shells at Denver. Meanwhile, in another
indication of the worsening global debt crisis, the directors of the
International Monetary Fund vote to have Ireland's legs broken.
The U.S. economy also continues to struggle, as the unemployment rate,
catching everybody by surprise, turns out to be higher than expected for yet
another month. The lone bright spot is provided by the president's
deficit-reduction commission, which, after months of work, releases a draft
of a tough plan that, if Congress can muster the backbone to enact it, would
reduce the deficit by trillions of dollars and put the nation on the path
back to fiscal sanity. This is a welcome bit of comic relief in the
stressed-out capital; everybody enjoys a hearty bipartisan laugh, then gets
back to maneuvering for the 2012 elections.
In other entertainment news, Bristol Palin's bid to win Dancing With the
Stars falls short when the judges throw out 147 million votes from Palm
Beach County. She winds up finishing third, behind actress Jennifer Grey and
Vice President Biden.
In sports, President Obama's upper lip is injured in a basketball game when
he is hit in the mouth by an elbow believed to have been thrown by North
Korea.
International tension continues to mount in...
DECEMBER
...with the continued release by Wikileaks of classified cables leaked from
the State Department, which apparently has the same level of data security
as an Etch-a-Sketch. The cables reveal a number of embarrassing diplomatic
secrets, such as:
The last three rounds of Middle East peace talks have consisted entirely of
delegates playing Twister.
* The Republic of Tajikistan and the Republic of Uzbekistan frequently, as a
prank, exchange places in the United Nations, and nobody has ever noticed.
* High-ranking officials of Scotland, speaking in private, admit that they
don't understand what the hell they're saying either.
* In 2007, Hungary paid $170 million to Russia for pictures of Sweden naked.
In domestic politics, a partisan debate rages over what to do about the
expiring Bush tax cuts. The Democrats, suddenly alarmed about the deficit,
want to raise taxes on people making $250,000 a year - or, as the Democrats
routinely refer to them, "billionaires." The Republicans want to extend tax
cuts for everybody, but compensate by cutting federal spending at a later
date using an amazing new spending-cutting device they have seen advertised
on TV.
Finally, President Obama and the Republican leaders reach a compromise under
which income-tax rates will stay the same for everybody, but the death tax
will be expanded to include people who are merely hung over. Also, in a
concession to the Iowa congressional delegation, the federal government will
continue to fund a "green energy" program under which corn is converted into
ethanol, which is then converted back into corn, which is then planted to
grow more corn. This will cost $5 billion a year, but it is expected to
create or save literally dozens of Iowa jobs.
President Obama, trying to sell the compromise, appears ambivalent, saying
that "it is less than ideal," but also pointing out that "it totally sucks,"
adding, "I hate it." Despite this smooth sales pitch, many Democrats are
unhappy. There is even talk of a primary challenge to Obama in 2012, a
notion dismissed as "nonsense" by Hillary Clinton, who speaks to reporters
while traveling on what aides describe as routine State Department business
in New Hampshire.
In another potential setback for the president, a federal judge in Virginia
rules that the health-care reform act violates the constitution's tonnage
clause. On the environmental front, delegates from 193 countries at the U.N.
Climate Change Conference in Cancún, Mexico, pass a resolution stating that
they should not have had those last four rounds of margaritas.
Time Magazine, in a controversial decision, names, as its Person of the
Year, Iranian space pioneer Helmz 1. In television news, Fidel Castro makes
a surprise guest appearance on The Walking Dead.
Speaking of entertainment: As the year finally draws to a close, all eyes
are on Seaside Heights, N. J., where MTV plans to ring in the new year by
dropping a ball containing Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, one of the leading
bimbos of Jersey Shore. Millions eagerly tune in, only to find that the ball
has been attached to something that makes it drop slowly. A bitterly
disappointing end to a bitterly disappointing year.
But at least it's over, right? And we can take comfort in the fact that 2011
cannot possibly be worse. Unless, of course, this newly discovered asteroid
- maybe you read about it - continues on a trajectory that...
Try not to think about it. Have another margarita. Happy New Year.
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Yeah, my guess it's either a rather late millennium bug, or those guys were all too lazy or too proud to enter their correct date of birth in their profile...
(All of 'm were born on January 1st ,1970 ... )
Spot on, they never changed their birth dates..
Time for me to run a quick SQL command
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Happy New Year! Guys, love that card Toad, would like a bit of that in my future!!
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Sweet!
All of them..
Did you notice we now have full screen as an option?
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He's a Calvin for sure!
Missus agrees too.
What is it with people who think it is ok to leave puppies to die?!
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Have you tried running IL2 and/or TrackIR with Admin and/or XP Compatibility? Just something to try...
My default settings is to run CH, TiR and IL2 as admin.
Problem resolved though!
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Rog,
please arm your self with the rubber brick for throwing at the screen when you want to answer "I bloody known that..........!!!!!" but....
4.10 installs into a clean copy of 4.09m
After downloading it, run the exe and point it at your 4.09m folder (or even better a copy of your 4.09m, renamed to 4.10)
My xp pro installed easy peasy, although I expect you are running Windows 8 on 128bit processing...........
I did the UPUpdate trick so no change in folder
4.10 doesn't work for me 100%..
Downloaded v5 of natural Point software and 4.10 now refuses to see my TiR3Pro, the NP software does (and it is a vast improvement) - any one got any ideas?
Config.ini trackir use=1?
Was already there!
Turned out I just needed to reboot, having not un-installed v4 I needed to repoint for a driver update.
Must say I'm impressed with v5 and 4.10
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4.10 doesn't work for me 100%..
Downloaded v5 of natural Point software and 4.10 now refuses to see my TiR3Pro, the NP software does (and it is a vast improvement) - any one got any ideas?
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We have a lot of old missions in our vault, including the one posted by Fruitbat.
http://www.dangerdogz.com/forums/files/file/183-bg-net-missions116exe/
I need to do some house keeping on the vault, many items have never been downloaded and are just using up space
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Don't install it in program files - instead create a new folder in the root of C (or drive of your choice).
We have in our downloads a No-CD hack:
http://www.dangerdogz.com/forums/files/file/336-il2-no-cd-patch/
Plus all the other patches
If you want 4.10 I suggest using the UP2.01 updater to get it as others here have.
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Thank you for doing this Roger.
It is a big help to people like me, who are definitely torrent challenged.
Welcome Martin, I remembered you were unable to run torrents and bandwidth could be an issue from a US server.
If you need it in smaller chunks let me know.
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Direct download from my Euro server here for Torrent challenged types:
http://k9squadrons.c...ads/il2_410.exe
Torrent file:
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Damn, early mornings whilst on an enforced 'holiday' mean a hangover..
At that time of the day everything will be red
Seriously though, I may get the family up to see this as it is quite an event.
Winter Solstice and alignment with centre of Milky Way or so I have read.
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Good to see standards were maintained and he dressed for the occasion, minus the DDz shirt of course..
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Mmmm.
Nothing quite like a bit of aural sex in the morning too
Other Games
in Jim's Place
Posted
Fallout 3 is a good one, son got the Vegas add-on recently but I've not had a chance to hijack it off him yet.
He has Mafia II (I know an 18 rated game for a 15yr old makes me 'one of those' parents) and I have to say the graphics are stunning in DX11.
He asked for a new GPU for Christmas and got a 6850 and I am impressed with it's performance.