Explanation of Ranks by Spike Milligan

[Beebop-RIP]

since most of us hold some kind of "Rank" I thought this would be a good way to help you understand exactly where you stand with your squadron:

General – Leaps tall buildings with a single bound. More powerful than a steam engine , faster than a speeding bullet . Walks on water . Gives policy to God.

Colonel – Leaps short buildings with a single bound . More powerful than a shunting engine . Is just as fast as a speeding bullet . Walks on water – if the sea is calm . Talks with God.

Lt-Colonel – Leaps short buildings with a running start in favourable winds . Is almost as fast as a speeding bullet . Walks on water in swimming pools . Talks with God if special request is approved .

Major – Barely clears a Nissen hut . Loses tug-of-war with a steam engine . Can fire a speeding bullet , swims well . Is occasionally addressed by God .

Captain – Makes high marks when trying to leap tall buildings . Is run over by trains . Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury . Dog paddles , talks to animals

Lieutenant – Runs into tall buildings . Recognises trains two out of three times . Is not given ammunition . Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of a lifejacket . Talks to walls.

2nd Lieutenant – Falls over doorsteps while trying to enter buildings. Says “look at choo choo “. Is never issued with a gun or ammunition . Plays in mud puddles . Mumbles to himself.

Sgt-Major – Lifts tall buildings and walks under them . Kicks steam trains off the track . Catches speeding bullets in his teeth . Freezes water with a single glance…….HE IS GOD!

[Dubbo]

Good one