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I stumbled upon this and though I would post it for some fun. This was posted by JP on the UBIzoo forums BlairGowrie: Stop referring to pee breaks as “GowrieLeaks” JensenPark: When visiting strip bars, stop using BG’s name to get free lap dances FruitBat: More batty, less fruity Snacko: Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my nightdress. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom. Painless: Stop making Apple-tinis with my IPhone. Crash: smell less bacony Rattler: End my eight year affair with former Charlie's Angel Cheryl Ladd APHill: no longer offer free prostate exams in night clubs. Start charging. Friar: Work up the courage to wear my dreadlock toupee in public Doubletap: Go into the bathroom I sealed off five years ago, see if the big bug is gone Arthur: Stop telling my school class to “hit the showers”…because I don’t teach Gym. Gec: I will do less laundry and use more deodorant. Zooly: I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number. Tonar: Stop asking wife if she wants to see my exploding Tonar cartridge. Tribunus: No more disgusting sheep sex. Now, where are those camels? Pooka: Assure my lawyer that I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing. Perfesser: Stop asking other DD’s to be my “Touch buddy” Cold_Gambler: Order glasses from LensCrafters minutes before we set clocks ahead in the Spring, sue them for not having glasses ready in an hour. BadAim: To conserve water, let kids use real guns instead of water pistols. Brando: Have applause sign installed in my bedroom Ritter-Cuda: Remember to brush teeth with bristly end of toothbrush. B16Enk: I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine - if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again, I'll tell him he stinks! Fireman: At least once a week, break a law I’ve never broken before. Jediteo: Work my way through all the known STD’s by dating a Kardashian sister. GreyKnight: Find perfect joke to open with at Academy Awards Sid: Convince wife that doing it while in game and on TS is just the same as joining the “mile high club” SkyPup: Convince networks to carry your new reality TV show “Dancing with my groin” Squawk: Don't eat medicine just because it looks like candy. Oh who am I kidding, if it looks like candy -- it's candy. Trout: Stop calling Andy Rooney at 3:00 AM for relationship advice Bucky: Convert to Islam so I can move to Jenniferanistan Largie: When explaining mission briefs, stop answering every question with, "Don't go there, girlfriend!" Smash: change hair style to match Donald Trump’s. Beebop: Combine my love of bass fishing and exercise into new sport: Bassercize Fool Trottel: concentrate on the missions instead of telling everyone what animals I see in the new cloud mods. Jabo: Convince girlfriend to try my new Christmas drink: Jabonog ZeusCat: Check on Eggos buried in backyard; see if "waffle tree" has grown yet. Artie: stop referring to intimate acts with my wife as “logging into the client server” Capt Jack: No more submitting my flight plans on lounge napkins Erco: Four Words: Mrs. Hanna Montana Erco Streaks: Stop dressing up in weird costumes and referring to myself as “Mr. Gaga” Guitarman: Learn a new instrument. Change name to Xylophoneman. MadTrooper: No more joining Justin Beiber look-a-like contests Oldtimer: Correct that annoying typo in my Metallica tattoo Strider: Stop trying to convince Dr. Kevorkian to make house calls to the in-laws. Sweper: Eat more paint. Sulky: Get to my perfect weight for my height…by growing two feet taller. Can_Goose: Get back to my true love, cabaret Kimosabi: Start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store TOAD: stop telling people if they lick me they can get high. I’m not a real Toad. FastDad: Cut back to 3 Rob Roys before flying. Shadrach: Cut back to 6 Rob Roys after the show. BluBear: Convince Olympic Committee to add “Vanilla Ice Dancing” as a sport. Fenrir: Achieve lifetime goal of appearing on “The View” Delta7: stop asking strangers if they would like to see my “mission briefs” Funflak: Turn in Uzi for shiny new bicycle Dino: Stop dressing up as airport security in order to get in free gropes Logos: come back! All is forgiven! Mayhem: stop insisting the Civil War was fought between Jack Daniel and Jim Beam Pappy: Stop trying to get through airport security with coins in his underwear so that he can be groped. Rox: Only pay for sex if the price seems really, really reasonable