CaptJackG

TEXAS BEER JOINT SUES LOCAL CHURCH OVER LIGHTNING STRIKE! (This should keep you chuckling for awhile) A bar called Drummond's (in Mt Vernon, Texas) began construction on an expansion of their building, hoping to "grow" their business. In response, the local Southern Baptist Church started a campaign to block the bar from expanding - petitions, prayers, etc. About a week before the bar's grand re-opening, a bolt of lightning struck the bar and burned it to the ground! Afterward, the church folks were rather smug - bragging about "the power of prayer". The angry bar owner eventually sued the church on grounds that the church... "Was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, through direct actions or indirect means." Of course, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise. The judge read carefully through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply. He then opened the hearing by saying: "I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that what we have here is a bar owner who now believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not." True story

Before criticizing people walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticize them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes. If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time for no good reason. The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face. Maybe in order to understand Mankind, we have to look at the word itself. MANKIND....Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery and so is mankind. I can picture in my mind a world without war, and a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns. Broken promises don't upset me. I just tthink, " Why did they believe me?" I'm against animal testing. They get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first goes in to see the counselor, who tells him to take Math, History, and Logic> "What's Logic?" the first redneck asks. The professor answers by saying, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weedeater?" "I sure do." "Then I can assure, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor. "That's real good!" says the redneck. The porfessor continues, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard , you also own a house." Impressed, the redneck says, "Amazin!" "And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife." "That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck is obviously catching on. "Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assure that you are heterosexual." said the professor. You're absolutley right! why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!" The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walks back into the hallway, where his friend is still waiting. "So what classes are ya takin'? asks the friend. Math, History, and Logic!" replies the first redneck. "What is tarnation is logic???" asked his friend. "Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weedeater?" asked the first redneck. "No." his friend replied. "Fag!"

Once upon a time, a Fighter pilot asked a beautiful princess, "Will you marry me?" The princess said, "No!" And the pilot lived happily ever after and flew jets all over the world and drove hot cars and banged skinny long-legged big-titted flight attendants and hunted and fished and went to topless bars and dated women half his age and drank whiskey, martinis and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and kept his house and guns and ate cold spam and potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was frickin cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and even left the toilet seat up......... The End

Sitting on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers, a state trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, "This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand. I was going the exact speed limit. What seems to be the problem?" The trooper trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before you go, Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken." "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 127!"

Alabama Bird Dogz

you and me both BA and am so glad you liked this Weasel.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iD3cgDRsDck

http://www.bing.com/videos/watch/video/insanely-intricate-lego-creation/20vq18c3?from=email&src=v5%3aendslate%3aemail%3a

I've been flying now for 46 years. The last 26 have been with a cargo airline flying DC-8's, DC-9's and the last 21 years in B-747s. Of that time I was in the training department for 17 years and 5 of those years as an APD (Aircrew Program Designee) doing FAA type ratings for the company in the 74. I learned a great deal about pilot training (if you really want to know something....teach it). And some things that I thought were pretty cut and dried I found out were anything but. Many years ago in our training syllabus we taught 3 types of stall recovery, Clean, Takeoff/Departure, & Landing. In all 3 of these scenarios the maneuver was taken to the stick shaker and then recovery initiated. The shaker comes on at 7% above stall. All the recoveries were with max power and hold your altitude (so keep back pressure on the stick because you have not stalled the aircraft). In reality this maneuver was for the purpose of teaching windshear recovery where you encounter a shear near the surface and initial a recovery and pitch the aircraft to the shaker and then just try to keep the airspeed on the edge of the shaker and hold your altitude or climb. I decided many years ago that this maneuver was not teaching actual stall recovery. So in all of my training and checks I administered I started having the pilot do a full stall of the aircraft and make an actual recovery in the simulator. In this case you had to drop the nose (or reduce your AOA) to get the aircraft back. What brought this about was reading about a DC-8 crash by a cargo carrier many years ago in which the crew went up on a maintenance test flight one night with a check airman/instructor pilot and a new hire to do some inflight training. (The biggest lesson I learned in teaching pilots was what we were instilling into that aviator. Anytime you get stressed you will revert to what you were taught to do automatically, without any thought of what you are doing.) In the case of this DC-8, one of the problems with the aircraft was the stick shaker was not working. When the instructor had the trainee do an approach to stall maneuver with no stick shaker they stalled the DC-8. As they started losing altitude they reverted to what they were taught to do so many times in the sim which was set max power and hold your altitude. They fell 10,000' to the ground without ever initiating a proper stall recovery. So I gave a crew a blocked pitot tube after takeoff. This caused the airspeed to become an altimeter. The higher you go the higher the airspeed goes. I expected them to recognize this and with (at the time) INS display of the actual ground speed and using proper power to attitude references they could handle the problem easily. And yet that was not the case. The Captain continued to pitch up to try to control his airspeed. He reached a pitch attitude of 25 degrees nose up with and indicated speed of 330 kts. Physically impossible to do, yet when the aircraft got the stall buffet he told the FO to report sever turburlence. Then when the stall was fully enveloped and the aircraft started to roll off into a spin as he was rolling the ailerons in the opposite direction with no effect he ask the Flight Engineer what happen to his hydraulics and why he had no control response. In the mean time I'm in the back watching this unfold and starting to understand that what I thought would be a simple problem/recovery had not become life and death. Now I start to see how planes crash. I repeated this maneuver with several other crews (well experienced) and got the same results. Only 1 Captain ever figured it out and he was a retired company check pilot. In this day and age because of the economy many airlines are looking for ways to cut back expenses. Many of those cuts come in training, reducing ground training and sim times. Feeling that the technology makes up for less training. Either they have forgotten and never realized how important training is and exactly what you are doing to the aviator during that training. Experience can replace training but you have to live long enough to gain that experience. (Experience is what you have now but you needed 10 seconds ago). I'm sad to say that I include my airline in the group that have cut back training. I left the training dept. because I strongly felt that our cutting training back was a very bad idea. The company no longer wanted line pilots to do the training but to hire outside retired instructors for less money. So I just fly the line now and really enjoy that without having to worry about dealing with the training dept and the FAA all the time. Sorry about the ramble. NOTE: Today the FAA requires a full stall recovery in every training scenario since the AF accident. I personally told several inspectors about my observations many years before that accident.

So...after listening to all the talk about Skyrim I thought I would give it a try when I got home from work (if you call what I do for a living as work). Anyway next thing I know it's 25 hours later and I'm trying to get my character cured from vampireism. Crap....what an addictive game. Who knew there were 4 levels to becoming a vampire, I certainly didn't. So, of course, I had full blown case of vampireism before I figured out why I'd become personna non grata everywhere and everyone hated me. So then I had to learn how to drink blood and getting cured is no easy deal. The only think they could do to make the game more difficult is to have strippers, then you would never have enough gold to buy anything. Onward to new adventures as a Skyrimmian.

That looks good.....hope I'm still here after the end of the world.

Some a little sick, but............ I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said, "You're pulling my leg." I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse. My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet. Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists? A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair. The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back. At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa !!! One of the other questions that I missed was to name two things commonly found in cells. It appears that Mexicans and Blacks is not the correct answer either. There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets. Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook. I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4,000 Muslims have added me as a friend!! I found a talking Muslim doll in the store. We don’t know what it says; no one will pull the string.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/OAOrT0OcHh0?version=3&rel=1&fs=1&showsearch

There are no rockets or airplanes built by any government in the world that can accelerate from a standing start as fast as a Top Fuel Dragster or Funny Car! ACCELERATION One top fuel dragster 500 cubic inch Hemi engine makes more horsepower than the first 4 rows of stock cars at the Daytona 500. It takes just 15/100ths of a second for all 6,000+ horsepower of an NHRA Top Fuel dragster engine to reach the rear wheels. Under full throttle, a dragster engine consumes 1-1/2 gallons of nitro methane per second; a fully loaded 747 consumes jet fuel at the same rate with 25% less energy being produced. A stock Dodge Hemi V8 engine cannot produce enough power to drive the dragster's supercharger. With 3,000 CFM of air being rammed in by the supercharger on overdrive, the fuel mixture is compressed into a near-solid form before ignition. Cylinders run on the verge of hydraulic lock at full throttle. At the stoichiometric (stoichiometry: methodology and technology by which quantities of reactants and products in chemical reactions are determined) 1.7:1 air/fuel mixture of nitro methane, the flame front temperature measures 7,050 deg F. Nitro methane burns yellow... The spectacular white flame seen above the stacks at night is raw burning hydrogen, dissociated from atmospheric water vapor by the searing exhaust gases. Dual magnetos supply 44 amps to each spark plug. This is the output of an arc welder in each cylinder. Spark plug electrodes are totally consumed during a pass. After halfway, the engine is dieseling from compression, plus the glow of exhaust valves at 1,400 deg F. The engine can only be shut down by cutting the fuel flow. If spark momentarily fails early in the run, unburned nitro builds up in the affected cylinders and then explodes with sufficient force to blow cylinder heads off the block in pieces or split the block in half. In order to exceed 300 mph in 4. 5 seconds, dragsters must accelerate an average of over 4G's. In order to reach 200 mph (well before half-track), the launch acceleration approaches 8G's. Dragsters reach over 300 miles per hour before you have completed reading this sentence. Top fuel engines turn approximately 540 revolutions from light to light! Including the burnout, the engine must only survive 900 revolutions under load. *? for 4.5 seconds! ? The redlineis actually quite high at 9,500 rpm. Assuming all the equipment is paid off, the crew worked for free, and for once NOTHING BLOWS UP, each run costs an estimate $1,000 per second. The current top fuel dragster elapsed time record is 4.428 seconds for the quarter mile (11/12/06, Tony Schumacher, at Pomona, CA). The top speed record is 336.15 mph as measured over the last 66' of the run (05/25/05 Tony Schumacher, at Hebron, OH). Putting all of this into perspective: You are driving the average $140,000 Lingenfelter 'twin-turbo' powered Corvette Z06. Over a mile up the road, a top fuel dragster is staged and ready to launch down a quarter mile strip as you pass. You have the advantage of a flying start. You run the 'Vette hard up through the gears and blast across the starting line and pass the dragster at an honest 200 mph. The 'tree' goes green for both of you at that moment. The dragster launches and starts after you. You keep your foot down hard, but you hear an incredibly brutal whine that sears your eardrums and within 3 seconds, the dragster catches and passes you. He beats you to the finish line, a quarter mile away from where you just passed him. Think about it, from a standing start, the dragster had spotted you 200 mph and not only caught, but nearly blasted you off the road when he passed you within a mere 1,320 foot long race course. ...... and that my friend, is ACCELERATION!

I've got BF 3 now and have started the campaign. If anyone is interested in coops my Origin id is CaptJackG.

Sounds like fun, I'll try to be there.

I don't know who is interested in this game but if you haven't seen any videos from this game, watch this video from Amazon site. Just click on the 1st image below the box and go to the 2nd video on the 3rd line. Battlefield 3 Faultline. http://www.amazon.com/Battlefield-3-Limited-Pc/dp/B002I0HJZO/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1319500303&sr=8-3

The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!" Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS." "Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient. "You've also got Alzheimer's Disease." Looking relieved the patient says, "Oh...Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS."

Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? A: He doesn’t want anybody to know he fucks chickens. One day Bob and Tom were walking down the street when Tom said, “You know I took skydiving lessons last week.” “Really,” said Bob in amazement, “How did it go?” “Well the week started out alright while we were in the class learning the basics. But then Wednesday rolled around and it came time to take our first jump.” “And?” Bob asked. “Well I was the last one to jump but when I got to the door I couldn’t do it. So the instructor told me ‘you had better jump out of this god damn plane before I stick my dick right up your ass.’” “Well did you jump?” asked Bob. “Yeah, a little.”

Best cowboy pick up line ever... if it works. A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?' 'No', he replies, 'I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it...' The intrigued woman says, 'a state-of-the-art watch? 'What's so special about it?' The cowboy explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.' The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?' Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.' The woman giggles and replies 'Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!' The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, 'Damn thing's an hour fast.'

This was posted up on the SimHQ forums. ............. A pilot gets home late.............. He left home about 8:30 a.m. to do some work in his hanger at the airport with his friends. On the way out the door he answered his wife's "what time will you be home?" question with "probably about 1:30, I'll have lunch at the airport." 1:30 came & went, 3:00 passed, 6:15, still not home, finally at about 7:00 pm he rolls in the driveway, and presents his wife with a pizza, and begins the apologetic story. I finished cleaning the plane about 11:30, had lunch, and I started home, when alongside the road I saw this attractive girl with a flat tire on her car. I stopped to help, got the tire changed, and looked around for a place to wash my hands. She offered money, but I refused, so she suggested that I at least allow her to buy me a beer. She said there's a tavern just up the road, and they have a restroom, you can clean up a bit. I agreed to stop, we had a beer, then another beer, then a couple more, and I realized that this girl was not only pretty, she was very friendly, and a good companion to spend time with. Before I knew it, we were in the motel next door having sex. And that is why I am so late getting home. His wife looked him right in the eye and said "don't BS me; YOU WENT FLYING, DIDN'T YOU?

Today my Track IR4 died. (I think). It doesn't read the vector points, just shows a few lines on the tracking view. Then it locks up. I took this as a sign for God to order a Track IR5. (you must recognize and obey these signs or face eternal damnation as I explained to my wife.) If anyone wants the 4 just let me know and I'll ship it to you. Maybe someone can do something with it.

Not ever gone Just moved on Flying west for the last time Salute BG

Right now I'm running trips between Brussels and Saudi Arabia. Scheduled to be out until the middle of September but may transition to a US/Brussels route next month. So as soon as I get back in the US I'll send it to you.