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OB1

3. Danger Dogz
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Posts posted by OB1

  1. Kenny Rogers - Coward Of The County

    Ev'ryone considered him the coward of the county.

    He'd never stood one single time to prove the county wrong.

    His mama named him Tommy, the folks just called him yellow,

    But something always told me they were reading Tommy wrong.

    He was only ten years old when his daddy died in prison.

    I looked after Tommy 'cause he was my brother's son.

    I still recall the final words my brother said to Tommy:

    "Son, my life is over, but yours is just begun.

    Promise me, son, not to do the things I've done.

    Walk away from trouble if you can.

    It won't mean you're weak if you turn the other cheek.

    I hope you're old enough to understand:

    Son, you don't have to fight to be a man."

    There's someone for ev'ryone and Tommy's love was Becky.

    In her arms he didn't have to prove he was a man.

    One day while he was workin' the Gatlin boys came callin'.

    They took turns at Becky.... There was three of them!

    Tommy opened up the door and saw his Becky cryin'.

    The torn dress, the shattered look was more than he could stand.

    He reached above the fireplace and took down his daddy's picture.

    As his tears fell on his daddy's face, he heard these words again:

    "Promise me, son, not to do the things I've done.

    Walk away from trouble if you can.

    It won't mean you're weak if you turn the other cheek.

    I hope you're old enough to understand:

    Son, you don't have to fight to be a man."

    The Gatlin boys just laughed at him when he walked into the barroom.

    One of them got up and met him halfway 'cross the floor.

    When Tommy turned around they said, "Hey look! ol' yellow's leavin'."

    But you coulda heard a pin drop when Tommy stopped and blocked the door.

    Twenty years of crawlin' was bottled up inside him.

    He wasn't holdin' nothin' back; he let 'em have it all.

    When Tommy left the barroom not a Gatlin boy was standin'.

    He said, "This one's for Becky," as he watched the last one fall.

    And I heard him say,

    "I promised you, Dad, not to do the things you done.

    I walk away from trouble when I can.

    Now please don't think I'm weak, I didn't turn the other cheek,

    and Papa, I sure hope you understand:

    Sometimes you gotta fight when you're a man."

    Ev'ryone considered him the coward of the county

  2. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really

    know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you

    informed:

    GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being

    met by your wife with a broom and having the guts to ask, 'Are you

    still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

    BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys,

    smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your

    wife on the butt and having the balls to say, 'You're next.'

    I hope this clears up any confusion. Medically speaking, there is no

    difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.

  3. The Wisdom of Larry The Cable Guy .

    1. A day without sunshine is like night.

    2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

    3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

    4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

    5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

    6. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

    7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

    8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse

    gets the cheese in the trap.

  4. There has to be at least one person out there who would ask

    just this question.

    I have 4 dogs & I was in the check out line at WalMart with a

    large bag of Purina. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

    On impulse I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again.

    I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the

    way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets

    and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food

    is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I

    confided that I probably shouldn't because, though I had lost

    50 pounds the last time, I'd ended up in the hospital. I had

    awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of

    most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I have to mention

    here that practically everyone in t he line was by now

    enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind

    her. Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in

    that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it

    was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my *** and a

    car hit me. I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack

    he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door. Crazy

    lady...why else would I buy dog food??

  5. Norm, an old retired sailor, puts on his old uniform and heads for

    the docks once more, for old times sake.

    He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He's soon

    going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some

    reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing?' The prostitute replies,

    'Well Norm, old sailor, you're doing about three knots.'

    'Three knots?' he asks. ' What's that supposed to mean?' She says,

    'You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your

    money back.'

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