Bonger

Man..... like some....it's has been awhile for sure........ I am so saddened to read the news of Jim's condition. Jim, I would first like to take this time to apologize to you and the rest of the Danger Dogs on my disappearance from the Squadron for nearly 2 years now. And most importantly I must thank you m8 from the bottom of my heart for letting this 1st time newbie join the DD under your wing during a SEOW campaign as your top turret gunner in a bomberand later on as your tail gunner in a IL2 with us as usual flying slow and low this was a baptism of fire I will never forget. Your one of a kind laugh and your endless patience we all witnessed during your loading of a dozen or so players on the many, many server hostings, your late night kind hearted expertise spent helping me tweak my graphics card and the land clearing stories you told us all on TS are few of the many things I am grateful for in having the pleasure in knowing you as the great person that you are. And with all that being said, I'm DAMN SURE by NOW you and Helen are cutting a well manicured lawn from Ottawa to the shores of Nova Scotia by now.... I salute you Blairgowrie! Peace my friend, Tim aka Quick Draw "Bonger" McGraw

Three Women on a Hike Three women were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, Violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first woman prayed: 'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.' Poof! .. God gave her big arms and strong legs and she was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice. After witnessing that, the second woman prayed: 'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river' Poof! .. God gave her a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs, she was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once. Seeing what happened to the first two women, the third woman prayed: 'God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river' Poof! .. She was turned into a man. He checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

Three Men on a Boat Three Men on a Boat with four cigarettes and no matches. How do they manage to smoke? They threw one cigarette overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

Before and After Marriage Before - Passion. After - Ration. Before - Don't stop. After - Don't start. Before - Twice a night. After - Twice a month. Before - Saturday Night Fever. After - Monday Night Football. Before - Idol. After - Idle. Before - Oysters. After - Fishsticks. Before - Is that all you are having ? After - Maybe you should have just a salad, honey. Before - We agree on everything. After - Doesn't she have a mind of her own ? Before - He is completely lost without me. After - Why won't he ever ask for directions ? Before - You look so seductive in black. After - Your clothes are so depressing. Before - You take my breath away. After - I feel like I'm suffocating. Before - I ca'n hardly believe we found each other. After - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you. Before - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation. After - She calls me a controlling, manipulative egomaniacal plick. Before - Once upon a time. After - The end. .....such is life.

Who Wants to be a Millionaire? A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire? " had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it A) the condor; the buzzard; C) the cuckoo; or (D) the vulture?" The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. The woman hoped she would not have to use it because ... her friend was, well .... blonde. She had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded hesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: The cuckoo." The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the logical thing to do. On the other hand - the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded. "I need an answer," said Regis. Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo." "Is that your final answer?" asked Regis. "Yes, that is my final answer." Two minutes later, Regis said, "That answer is .... absolutely correct!! You are now a millionaire! " Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars. "Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "How did you happen to know the right answer?" "Oh, come on," said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks..!!!"

Hollywood Squares: If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when 'Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they Are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course... Q. Do female frogs croak? A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough. Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be? A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes. Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake. Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning Q.Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'? A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty. Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'? A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment. Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget! Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year? A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries. Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score? A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy. Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other? A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures. Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom. Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out. Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark? Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark. Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? A.. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army. Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it? A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected. Q.Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do ? A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth. Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant? Q.When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him. Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? A. Charley Weaver: His feet. Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed? A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh!

A gallery of some pretty funny military themed pictures: http://www.docstoc.com/docs/1018676/Military-Humor Pictures & Posters from WWI: http://www.docstoc.com/docs/412976/Phot ... orld-War-I

Tree of Life Moses was stumbling down the mountain carrying heavy stone tablets. He stopped halfway down, turned around and went back up again. As he approached the tree of life.........he said... '' Sorry to bother you Lord,...but....just let me get one thing straight.'' '' The Arabs get all the oil and we get to cut off our what ?? ''

What they Actualy Mean DEPRESSION :........it is merely anger without enthusiasm. AMBITION :............a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. BEAUTY :..............it is only in the eye of the beer holder. LOVE :..................a bankers invention to keep you in debt for life.

Apple Announcement Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost $499 or $599 depending on cup size. This has been hailed as a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Pirate & the Sailor A sailor meets a pirate in a bar, and take turns to tell their adventures on the seas. The sailor notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, hook, and an eye patch. The sailor asks 'So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?' The pirate replies 'We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.' 'Wow!' said the sailor. 'What about your hook'? 'Well', replied the pirate, 'We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other pirates with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off.' 'Incredible!' remarked the sailor. 'How did you get the eye patch'? 'A seagull crapped in me eye.', replied the pirate. 'You lost your eye to bit of gull crap?' the sailor asked . 'Well', said the pirate, 'it was my first day with the hook.'

Drivers Test A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

QUESTIONS If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting? Can you cry under water? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"?

Marriage made in heaven A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married again.So she put an ad in the local newspaper that read: WANTED: HUSBAND! MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME.MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she openedthe door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs. "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the widow said. "Just look at you - you have no legs!" The old gentleman smiled, " Therefore, I cannot run around on you!" "You don't have any arms either!" she snorted. Again, the old man smiled, "Therefore, I can never beat you!" She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still good in bed?? "The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?" The wedding is scheduled for Saturday.

A trip to Cabelas A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.