Joke Of The Day

[Artie]

An American tourist asks a Newfoundlander:

"Why do scuba divers always fall

backwards off their boats?"

To which the Newfoundlander replies:

"Lord thunderin' Jesus, you must be stunned as me arse. If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the fuckin' boat!"

[Flyboy583]

On the Tesco PA system:

'Cleanup on aisle 25, we have a husband down.'

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Tesco

The husband picks up a case of Stella beers and puts it in their trolley.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only £5 for 24 cans he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a £20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Stella and it's a quarter of the price.'

He never knew what hit him

[Tribunus]

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks.

"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.

The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?"

Without missing a beat the husband says, "Worked for your butt; didn't it?"

[Friar]

Great stuff guys but could we move this to "The World according to Bongar" our ready made "funny zone"

Friar

It is done!

-BluBear